Writing

Can you call yourself a writer

if you don’t actually write?

That’s a lie. I am writing. Just not the type of writing I’d like to be doing. I am writing client notes. I am writing client reports. I am writing letters to doctors about clients.

But I am no longer writing essays or stories or bad poetry or even a blog post. It has been two, maybe three months since I properly sat down to write something. I woke up at 5:45 this morning. A grey Saturday here in Sydney. A little earlier than usual because I thought I could get some words down before I hear to work. I stared a the blank word document, clickety-clacked my way through a sentence, then two. Then promptly deleted them because they didn’t sound good, they didn’t go anywhere.

Can you call yourself a writer if all your writing is purely technical and professional with no room for the creative?

Can you forget how to write creatively if you veer away from it?

Writing is a skill but the only way to build it, is practice. The only way to keep writing is by building a habit. I know about habits; I do other things in my life such as going to the gym, more out of habit than motivation. I guide my clients to understand the importance of building habits. And yet, here I am, somehow having forgotten my morning writing habit.

I try not to beat myself up; 2022 has been a big year after all with a lot of changes. And still, I miss writing. I miss creating. I miss creating stories and reflecting for essays. A part of me knew this might happen if I were to start my own private practice. Rather, I was warned this might happen. But I wanted to believe so badly that once I’d set things up, it would leave me time to write again. This isn’t to say that I am unhappy with my choice; I am not. I am pleased with my decision to be self-employed. But it does come with some costs.

I guess I need to keep typing away when I am not writing reports and notes and letters. And at some point, by doing that over and over, the words will eventually come.

Maybe then I can call myself a writer again.

Featured image by Leah Kelley

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  • Lee-Ann
    10 December 2022 at 12:30 pm

    I feel this in my soul.

    • Sanch @ Sanch Writes
      10 December 2022 at 4:47 pm

      It’s been tough! I’m glad you can empathise and I’m not alone…