Existential Crisis

you feel this pressure
this need to have it together
the need for a plan
a grand plan for work, love, life, leisure
because when you look around
everyone has their shit together
the small-business owner,
the insta influencer 
the doting parent
the go-getter and jet-setter
the new home-owner
the debut author
they’re all following their dreams
finding their purpose
while you stay put 
or is paralysed by fear?
what is your purpose?
what are you meant to do?
what’s the meaning of your life,
what’s the point to this all?
you mull over these questions,
exhausted, you finally fall.
your mind sings it’s old tunes
it knows what gets you down
you’re not good enough, 
you imposter
you’ll remain unloveable, 
a walking disaster
for months, your life got smaller
lockdown had its perks
but now as you resurface
so do all your fears
you’re reminded to take a moment
you’re reminded to not compare
you’re reminded to show yourself compassion
like you do for those you care
you need to refocus
you need to ground yourself
you need to slow down your mind
figure out what matters
if you’re to live your life well

© Words and photograph by Sanchana Venkatesh

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  • Deborah Cook
    25 October 2021 at 11:50 am

    Oh I love this Sanch – beautifully written. But do you know what…? When I think about you I think about how much you do – the chances you take writing-wise (competitions etc) and the commitment and follow-through you have with your exercise and social life. I tend to feel envious of you and your life so know the danger of the comparison trap.

    It occurs to me (and I’ve drafted something on this) that my other ‘comparison-trap’ issue is re my old life / self and current life / self. Usually we say that we should only compare ourselves to who we were, but my problem is I feel like a failure when I think about stuff I did and had compared to now. (Although realise at the time I probably thought the grass was greener elsewhere!)
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  • Vinitha
    27 October 2021 at 11:11 am

    I feel you are talking to me, Sanch.
    “you need to refocus
    you need to ground yourself
    you need to slow down your mind
    figure out what matters
    if you’re to live your life well”
    These words are definitely for me. It’s hard to see social media bursting with people from different walks of life showing whatever they are doing. Meanwhile, here I am not letting myself celebrate the small wins while adoring at someone else for their small win! How is that fair!
    Are we all making the same mistake? Hope you are well, Sanch.
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    • Sanch @ Sanch Writes
      31 October 2021 at 11:22 am

      Oh tell me about it! It’s so hard to not compare and to go at your own pace while also celebrating all you e achieved

  • October 2021 Reflections – Sanch Writes
    1 November 2021 at 7:00 am

    […] apart from my weekly gratitude posts. I did however write poetry {if you can call it that} about my existential crisis or life after lockdown and about ‘freedom’ […]