Life lessons

I must confess I’m scared

I can’t believe this is last edition of I must confess over at Kirsty’s. It’s been five years since she started this link up and she’s done an amazing job! While I haven’t linked up every week, it’s been really fun when I have.

For the final edition, I must confess I am very, very scared.

As I mentioned last week, I am moving up the coast shortly. I’ll be leaving all that is familiar behind. Sydney has been home since 2005 with the Shire being home since 2009. Since handing my resignation, I have been on the look out for places to live and have also had a property manager come and check out my place so I can rent it out. Knowing that I now have less than a month before I start my new job, I am nervous about so many things.

What if I don’t find a place in time? What if I don’t move before the job starts? What if I can’t find a good tenant for my unit? What if I blow out my finances because of the move? What if the cats can’t handle the move? What if I lose the connections I already have? What if I am all alone?

And the biggest of all: What if this move isn’t what I hope it will be? 

When I was 21, I came to Australia — I didn’t know anyone and I left behind everything and everyone I knew. Friends, family, a home I’d been in since I was 9 years old, a familiar neighbourhood. But back then, I wasn’t scared at all. I was excited. Well okay, I was a bit anxious when the plane took off but that was it. For a little while. There were lots of ups and downs but back then, Australia had been my dream and I was damn well going to make it come true.

I’m trying to figure out what it is that’s got me so anxious this time around. Perhaps it’s because I’d never planned on the Central Coast. Perhaps it’s because I took the decision to apply for a job there after being badly let down again. Perhaps it’s because I’m suddenly finding I’m connecting with one or two people recently right here in the Shire. Or perhaps it’s just that I’ve been way too comfortable for the past few years that my brain is going into meltdown at such big changes.

Because let’s face it: changing a job is one thing. I’ve done that a few times and while the nerves are there, it’s fairly okay. But moving house to a whole new locality, changing a job and leaving all your friends all together is fricking massive!

I’ve had terrible sleep the last couple of nights and I think the fear is the reason behind it. Even though it’s not explicitly there, it exists at a subconscious level. It’s times like these I realise I should really practice mindfulness — these are worries that are quite normal and ones I can’t really control. But getting hooked on to the thoughts makes me procrastinate and do nothing.

I know I will move. I know I’ll do it in spite of the ‘what ifs’ swimming in my head.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could see the future. Even just a sneak peek to reassure me that I’ll be okay.

How do you manage the ‘what ifs’?

Do share!

***Linking with Kirsty for I must confess and Alicia for Open Slather***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

 

You Might Also Like

  • Betty Louise Davenport
    5 September 2016 at 6:10 am

    Good Luck
    Betty Louise Davenport recently posted…COFFEE/TEA SHARE SEPTEMBER 3, 2016My Profile

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection
    5 September 2016 at 10:59 am

    Scared is good. It means you are ready for change and will work harder to succeed. I just wrote a post on a reason, season or lifetime and this applies I think but in your life in general. Good luck – I think you will be amazing.
    Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection recently posted…A reason, a season, a lifetimeMy Profile

  • Raych aka Mystery Case
    5 September 2016 at 11:37 am

    My family is on the Central Coast. I lived there for several years myself. Hopefully you will love it and your new job.

  • Denyse
    5 September 2016 at 12:45 pm

    I’m not sure I am the best person to ask!! As I mentioned last week in the comments, we did this move. We “had” to make the change. It is a very big one and I can only offer you the advice you are already aware of…give it a go. The job seems like a fit, so make the living secondary to that. It is a completely different culture here to where you are so be aware yet the people you will work with should help you settle. Have you found a rental that will take cats and maybe sign up for 6 months and let your place go for the same period…as a safety net. Good luck. Denyse
    Denyse recently posted…My Last Confession. 366/249.My Profile

  • Obsessivemom
    5 September 2016 at 12:57 pm

    The what ifs drive me crazy too Sanch and I can completely identify with your worries. But then even the bravest people feel anxiety. I think age and maturity also have something to do with this – when we’re younger and carefree and aren’t aware of all that can go wrong we can take life-changing decisions more easily. This is a brave decision and all will be well. Wishing you the very best of luck.
    Obsessivemom recently posted…Celebrating Differences – A Book ReviewMy Profile

  • Ness
    5 September 2016 at 2:09 pm

    I think all of those fears are understandable. You’re a legend for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. If you can move to a totally different country you can definitely do this! Some friends of ours moved to the central coast earlier this year. They are loving it. One commutes to work and the other found a job there. All the best for the big move and hope you’re feeling settled and calmer very soon xo
    Ness recently posted…So long and thanks for all the confessions…My Profile

  • Bronnie - Maid In Australia
    5 September 2016 at 2:23 pm

    I don’t. I wish I was fearless, like when I was younger, when I’d just make a decision and go for it. Now, like you, I worry about all the what-ifs and all the variables. But I think you can only go with your heart and your instincts. Otherwise, in five, ten, 20 years time you’ll be wondering: What if? And that really would suck! You’ve got this!

  • Beck @craftypjmum
    5 September 2016 at 7:38 pm

    Good luck lovely. I hope the move is all you hope it to be. You’ve got this xx

  • Janet
    5 September 2016 at 8:12 pm

    Wow big changes afoot, but sounds like it is definitely a change for the better! I’m sure you, Pebbles and Buttons will be settled in and loving it in no time. Change is scary but before you know it you’ll be on the other side and wondering why you didn’t do it earlier x
    Janet recently posted…I Was a Teenage HeadbangerMy Profile

  • Zita
    5 September 2016 at 8:57 pm

    It’s hard to manage them, but i think one ‘what if..” I like to add is “What if I don’t do it?”

    What if you kept things exactly as they are? What if you didn’t take the chance?
    and I also think you need to remember that it doesn’t have to be forever… what if it doesn’t work? what if you don’t like it?… well you move back with the knowledge that you gave it a go!

    Best of luck!
    Zita recently posted…til next time…My Profile

  • inthegoodbooksblog
    6 September 2016 at 6:28 am

    I wish you all the best with the move. It is understandable to be nervous and anxious. But just give it a chance and hopefully it will all turn out fine! Best of luck!

  • jess
    6 September 2016 at 9:20 am

    I’m so happy to hear that you have made a change, I hope it all works out well for you! It certainly sounds like it fits 🙂

  • Ashleigh - mymeow.com.au
    7 September 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Ohhh but what if you don’t! Then you will never know the answer to some of the what ifs! You can always come back… Sydney is always here. Can’t wait to follow your journey.
    Ashleigh – mymeow.com.au recently posted…August Reflections (and Away I Go)My Profile

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths
    7 September 2016 at 9:22 pm

    I can only imagine how scared you are with an impending move and new job too. Remember we are all here for you and I’m keen to meet up once you are settled in. Thanks for linking up and being a regular at I Must Confess – I’ve loved your posts and really appreciated your commitment to the linkup x
    Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted…The last ever #imustconfessMy Profile

  • Alicia O'Brien
    8 September 2016 at 10:58 am

    I am sure you are going to be fine! Keep remembering this is a change for the better and one that needed to happen for your own happiness. All the best xx

  • Paula, The Geeky Shopaholic
    11 September 2016 at 2:31 am

    It’s natural to be nervous! That is definitely a lot to take on at one time, but you’re doing something amazing! You’re taking a chance! It’s a wonderful thing! And I wish you the best! 🙂
    Paula, The Geeky Shopaholic recently posted…The Ultimate Rabbit Hole #84My Profile

  • Goodbye 2016. And good riddance #FridayReflections #Yearinreview - Living my Imperfect Life
    30 December 2016 at 12:02 am

    […] looked for places up the coast and tried to sort it all out. In the process though, I was scared. Super scared at leaving all that I know and love […]