Life

I wish I’d said

My life is peppered with situations where people say or do things to me and only hours later, after I’ve ruminated over and over, I come up with the most fantastic things I could have said or done. It’s a hollow sense of victory and would mean so much more if I could travel back in time. Or even say it to the person somehow without sounding like a total lunatic.

I am one of those people who cannot think on their feet, more so when I’m emotional. So if I’ve had a confrontation with someone, or even just a disagreement, I just go blank and either rage emotionally {which makes no valid points} or say nothing at all {which also makes no valid points!}.

Here are 10 things I wish I’d said to people straightaway over the last thirty years of my life:

Do you have a problem keeping your hands to yourself?’ or ‘Get your filthy hands off me you fucking pervert’ — as a teenager on buses and other crowded spaces in India.

You cannot be rude to my mum and expect me to treat you with respect, no matter how old you are!’ — as a teenager to my late grandmother.

You said I’d amount to nothing right from when I was 11 till when I left school at 15. Well, fuck you.’ — to a teacher who made my life hell.

‘Referring to me as your shit pot is pretty damn offensive. And only reaching out for me when you need something is not what I expect of a friend. I don’t think I want to be friends with you anymore.’ {True story: she called me her ‘shit pot’ because I was always there when she needed to take an emotional dump}

‘I am tired of you constantly implying that my job is not as important as yours.’ — to the Ex. Who was also a psychologist, so go figure!

Why have you been excluding me? Did I do something?

Thanks for hurting me with your words and actions. I’m so glad I invested in this friendship.

Yes, I have dark skin. Yes, I am proud of it. And yes, I will continue to tan and get darker. You can keep your fairness creams to yourself.’

It’s none of your business if my parents are comfortable with me going to Australia as a 21-year-old for studies when we have no family there. If you can send your sons, why can’t my parents send their daughters?

You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me with what you just said. I trusted you and confided in you. I never thought you’d use my imperfections against me in this manner.

I always think better in hindsight. If only there was a pause button sometimes where you could think about a situation, process your emotions and then come up with something to say. On a slightly different note, this reminds me of Meg Ryan’s character in You’ve Got Mail and how she’s always tongue-tied around Tom Hanks’ character even when he is at his most obnoxious.

Are there some things you wish you’d said? Can you think on your feet or do you need time to come up with a response or a comeback?

Do share!

***Linking with Kirsty for I must Confess, Write Tribe for Day 2 of the Festival of Words No. 5, and Mackenzie for #MG***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

SANCH_sig1

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  • Obsessivemom
    11 July 2016 at 9:51 am

    When I saw the title of your post I thought of Meg Ryan right away. And also what she goes on to say – that when she does say those words she doesn’t feel quite so good. Though of course when you’re talking about people like the crazies on Indian buses it would most definitely be the right thing to do.
    Obsessivemom recently posted…Friendship lessonsMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      11 July 2016 at 9:55 am

      Yeah I think saying something emotionally is not helpful because I know I say things I regret. I wish though I could be calm enough to be assertive in some situations. Oh and definitely on crowded transport, I’d speak up now but back then I was too scared

  • pins & ashes
    11 July 2016 at 10:44 am

    I’ve felt I’m one of those review people who look back in life to say oh I had done that .. and not go around with the list. But ya, lot of thoughts do pop up in hindsight, nastier ones I may say, on my side if the going on were bad, so better not said then I’d think. oh and crowded bus I’ve given it back to them like that! same with people who have not be unjust to my favourite people, how do they expect me to be nice to them, when they are not nice to mine.. that makes me I guess, a present kind of person.. 😀 what a shift now from the starting of the comment 😀
    pins & ashes recently posted…(I think) I’m in love …My Profile

  • Denyse Whelan Blogs
    11 July 2016 at 12:08 pm

    I too wrote using Kirsty’s prompt. I think that we are all in something of the situation you are in. Being kinder to ourselves from now on in might help with rumination. it is such a sucky thing and I know it is so easy to get caught up in. Take care. Denyse x
    Denyse Whelan Blogs recently posted…What I Wish I’d Really Said. 366/193.My Profile

  • Kit@lifethroughthehaze
    11 July 2016 at 1:37 pm

    Saneh
    I had a teacher like that. He used to tell me that I was stupid and I would amount to nothing. I so badly wanted to go and wave my teaching degree in his face (because I know he is still teaching at my old school), well actually I have two degrees and 3/4 of a BSci (Psych) so I am far more qualified than he is. But ultimately I know I can’t let my self worth be defined by him. It is a shame that he does in so many ways.
    I’m off to write up my confessions.
    xoxo
    Kit@lifethroughthehaze recently posted…That time I had dinner with Thomas Keneally My Profile

  • Dashy
    11 July 2016 at 1:38 pm

    I’ve been through the same, though I try to not think of what I could’ve said since it makes me feel miserable for not saying it. Sometimes I think of possible similar scenarios in future and get my dialogues ready (*hiding face*). This reminded me of my extempore competition that went flop in school. Thinking in the feet doesn’t come along well at the moment.
    Dashy recently posted…The School Boy – 2 of #Seven AgesMy Profile

  • Lata Sunil
    11 July 2016 at 2:50 pm

    Many times my reactions are very late. But, I envy those who think on their feet and give it back as good as it gets. So, you are not alone and I don’t care about what others think of me.

  • Vanessa
    11 July 2016 at 3:21 pm

    Some of those ones you wrote about friends struck me too – I still can’t get over that some (ex) friends decided my husband was faking being sick. Just because they can’t comprehend it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You can’t tell me that something I see with my own eyes, day in, day out, is fake.
    And then get angry with me because I immediately stopped talking to them. And I haven’t since.
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  • Payal Agarwal
    11 July 2016 at 3:55 pm

    Though I know it’s good to speak up, I always take time to respond. It’s more like I give myself some time before I speak.
    Payal Agarwal recently posted…Burnt leavesMy Profile

  • Suzy
    11 July 2016 at 4:53 pm

    My view is that sometimes silence is golden. Retaliating could add fuel to the fire and holding on to things only hurts ourselves in the long run. But I do agree that being called a shit pot is hugely offensive and silence is not golden then.
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  • Sheethal
    11 July 2016 at 5:19 pm

    There;s so much in our mind which we felt we should have said nah. Even at this moment I have one. But somehow relationships hold stronger than those words.
    Sheethal recently posted…I killed my Child in the FutureMy Profile

  • Esha
    11 July 2016 at 6:20 pm

    I can totally empathise with you…been there myself. In the past, I’ve had this experience all too often, exactly doing what you’ve just described! That’s one of the things I have been consciously able to break free of, only now, but only years of suffering silently. I had reached a point where I’d start hating myself for not retorting in time. Life is a great healer, Sanch. I’ve also learnt to forgive and forget. Being easy on myself has not been easy at all, but, I had to get my bitterness out of my system. Today, glad to say, am in a much happier place!

  • Shweta Ravi
    11 July 2016 at 7:11 pm

    This reminded me so much of myself. I am exactly this way…not witty enough when I need to be. But I do have a nasty habit which rears its head sometimes and this is giving back when the moment strikes again, even if it is later! Well, I am trying to be better about it…. Also these days I have realized that I don’t care so much…I believe that I need to choose my battles.

  • Raych
    11 July 2016 at 7:49 pm

    I think witty comebacks are often lost on the people delivering the hurtful things and it’s sometimes better to just move on to something or someone more positive. I remember the time when my father in law told me it wasn’t all about the cheesecake when I went for a second helping of salad. I’d been given a really small serving at their house to start with, hadn’t eaten all day and was basically starving. I knew the comment was his way of saying I should be on a diet. Having gone from a sz 10 to 12 following the birth of our first child. I had all manner of comebacks in my head but seriously what would be the point.
    Raych recently posted…Back in Business with VividwirelessMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      11 July 2016 at 8:45 pm

      Ah yes, people love to give advice about weight don’t they? Sigh…you’re right though, the dryness and wit can be lost on some people

  • Janet
    11 July 2016 at 9:46 pm

    I am one of those people who bites their tongue for the sake of peace so there are many things like yours above that I wish I could have said. The main one that sticks in my mind is what I should have said to my mother many years ago, when she told me she spent my wedding day crying her eyes out in bed. I should have said, “Well mum, you got an invitation just like everybody else. So if you didn’t come, guess whose fault it was?!”

  • C.TdeF
    11 July 2016 at 9:47 pm

    I think if we all were truthful and responded with your final comment ‘You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me with what you just said. I trusted you and confided in you. I never thought you’d use my imperfections against me in this manner.’ the world would become a kinder place, one comment at a time.
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  • Jayanthy G
    11 July 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Excellent Post! I could relate to many things you have listed here! 🙂 There are many times I have thought of better responses at a later point in time which wasn’t offensive, but fact well placed with wit! All your responses to those people are real and cute! 🙂

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths
    11 July 2016 at 10:44 pm

    I I love You’ve Got Mail – one of my all-time favourite movies. I like to think we have a little Meg Ryan (pre-plastic surgery!) in all of us!
    Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted…What I Wish I Said #imustconfessMy Profile

  • Sunaina Bhatia
    11 July 2016 at 11:18 pm

    It happens with most of us right…I wish I had said that, I wish I had done that….but in some cases, silence is a weapon too

  • Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710
    11 July 2016 at 11:35 pm

    I often feel this way specially when I have something funny to say. Like, maybe I experienced a certain situation, but I didn’t say anything at that time. And after some time, I figure out something funny I could have said, like a repartee.

    The points you have mentioned are much more important than jokes. And these are things that must be said. I hope it’s easier for you to recall these exact same words when you need to!
    Mithila Menezes @fabulus1710 recently posted…The Autumn Plot – Part 2 #WriteTribeMy Profile

  • Denise
    12 July 2016 at 12:24 am

    I’ve been feeling like this over the past few months, since my BFF since the fourth grade basically stated that people without a college degree aren’t as worthy as those with a degree. She was talking about someone else, but . . . I don’t have a college degree. What I do have: two wonderful children, my own home, a successful company, and a good size retirement account. So instead of excitedly telling her about my new blog, I withdrew, and have been trying to figure out what to say to her when that moment arrives.

  • Paula, The Geeky Shopaholic
    12 July 2016 at 2:12 am

    My jaw actually dropped when I read that about the “shit pot!” I can’t believe someone would say something like that! Thats awful. … I have my moments when I can come up with some good retorts. My problem is that I often don’t realize someone is being a jerk to me until later when I think back on the conversation. It sucks!

  • Reema D'souza
    12 July 2016 at 2:43 am

    Wish we all had that pause button to think and reply in the right way. So many times after something happens I sit back and think how things would have changed if I did something differently!

  • Tina Basu
    12 July 2016 at 2:54 am

    That is so me. Sometimes I want to say so many things (specially to bosses when I was working ) but don’t know why I didn’t and later thought I wish I had blurted out – life would be easy that way!

  • Ilakshee
    12 July 2016 at 3:03 am

    There are many times when I feel I should have said something…but alas! Right now it doesn’t matter. Frankly, I don’t really give a damn my dear!

  • Erica
    12 July 2016 at 4:37 am

    I am not good at thinking on my feet. I seem to come up with the right words, hours later. As I get older, I am trying to speak with more wisdom, which usually means biting my tongue and choosing to be kinder. It takes work on a daily basis.

  • Tory
    12 July 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I definitely need time to come up with stuff. Hindsight is always 20/20
    Tory recently posted…Depending On The Kindness Of StrangersMy Profile

  • AuraOfThoughts
    12 July 2016 at 4:25 pm

    I think this kind of situation most of us often experience.Every coin has the another aspect too.For e.g. we may tend to speak something harsh when we are angry at that point of time without giving a second thought which may at times ruin a relation.

  • Mackenzie Glanville
    12 July 2016 at 11:09 pm

    This has to be one of my fav posts this week! Brilliant! It really made me think and yes so many things I should have said, I wish I had known earlier how to stand up for myself! Thank you so much fro sharing this #mg
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  • Helena
    13 July 2016 at 4:05 am

    Gosh I wonder what would have happened had you of said those things back to them. #mg

  • five little doves
    13 July 2016 at 5:08 am

    Wow this was so powerful and well written. I wish I had a rewind button to go back and say what needed to be said, things that I only later thought of saying when instead I had said nothing. Great post and very thought provoking. #mg
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  • J.Gi Federizo
    13 July 2016 at 9:54 pm

    “So if I’ve had a confrontation with someone, or even just a disagreement, I just go blank and either rage emotionally {which makes no valid points} or say nothing at all {which also makes no valid points!}”

    That’s me. Then I get mad at myself for not having thought of my perfectly good retorts sooner. GRRRR!!!!
    J.Gi Federizo recently posted…Thank You for the Music #MondayMemoirsMy Profile

  • Lisa@Intotheglade
    15 July 2016 at 10:31 pm

    This always happens to me. At the time I stand there like a wounded animal and say nothing, then I think of lots I want to say later and get really annoyed with myself for not defending my position. This is a great thought provoking post xx #mg
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