I think I’m experiencing a midlife crisis of some sort. Technically, I suppose I don’t qualify for ‘midlife’ just yet. But at 32, I am going through a struggle of sorts in terms of career, relationships, who I am and well, life in general. I know I previously spoke about having an itch. In fact, all of 2015, I struggled with this yearning for change. Eventually, I thought it might be just the workplace I was in and with a change of job this year, I thought it was enough.
Two months later, the question of what I’m doing with my life has arisen once again.
I do like my new job although it has been busier and more full on than I initially assumed. I am seeing way more clients than I did at my previous job and have been working longer hours. I have not had enough time to exercise and as for writing creatively or freelance, that’s all gone out the window. It saddens me as 2016 was going to be the year I focussed on my writing. Since starting the job, I have no energy for it.
In the last week or so, I’ve been questioning my life again — is this what I really want? Is this all there is to life? Are we just meant to go to work, come home and not have energy for anything else? Are we just meant to cook and clean and keep house? Are we just meant to pay the bills and occasionally catch up with friends? Are we just meant to catch up on sleep on the weekends thanks to being utterly exhausted during the week?
I find myself wondering if I am just over my career as a psychologist. I mean, I do enjoy working with the kids and teens I see. But at some level, I am also over it all. I can’t help but wonder if I’m craving a career change. I recently read that 35 year olds are being hit by a career change crisis. At the same time, I can’t think of what career I’d change to.
I do like writing but I doubt it’s something I could sustain. I continue to think I’m not good enough and well, don’t have enough experience. I’d love to open a bookstore but given the current market, we all know that’s not the greatest idea. And can I truly afford to start again at 32?
Then I wonder if I should have gone ahead with a sea change. Gone for that job interview down the south coast and made the move. At least for 12 months to try it all out while renting my unit. I’m not the kind of personality who can sell everything and just go travelling. I’d miss my kitties way too much. But I am one who wouldn’t dislike a stable enough move.
I know I don’t want kids, I know I don’t want to move countries. I know I still want my cats and I know I want some more down time. I still want my unit and I still need to write. I need to be able to go to the beach and still have a network of friends.
In the end, I just want to figure out what I want. I need to know what I need to live instead of just existing the way I am. Because one day, I’m going to die and then, I don’t want to regret this life.
Ever had a midlife crisis your thirties? How did you figure out your career and what you were meant to be doing?
***Linking with Jess for IBOT***
Until next time,