All about the mind

You know the signs

autumn-301683_640

You know the signs.

You want to sleep in that little bit longer. Or just not wake up to face the day at all. You want to stop doing things you know will make you feel better. Like exercising. You push yourself on some mornings because you know it is good for you. But it doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t give you the pleasure Β like it used to.

You know the signs.

You are constantly tired. Even after all the sleep-ins. You look like death, with dark circles under your eyes. You are unmotivated. You could just sit in front of the telly and stare into space. Writing, blogging, telling stories, reading — they all take a backseat. You don’t feel like going to work. Or meeting people. You’d rather curl up in bed dead to the world.

You know the signs.

You cry easily. The thoughts — the oh-so-negative thoughts — they seem to outweigh the rational and positive ones. They have also overpowered the usual worries. It has become exhausting to worry. The negativity is draining and it’s the reason you are teary.

You know the signs.

You just want to eat. Junk food, salty food, cheese and chocolate. You don’t crave anything healthy. It’s only the stuff that’s bad for you. That will later make you feel guilty. Because you don’t feel enough guilt already.

You know the signs.

You start to doubt yourself and all your abilities. You second guess every word you utter. Or every opinion you had. You doubt whether you are worthwhile as a person. You start to believe that not many people love you or care about you. That you are all alone.

You know the signs.

You don’t feel like going to work. Or meeting people. You’d rather curl up in bed or just stay indoors shutting out the world. You start to tell stories but you can’t concentrate. It’s easier to get sucked in by the negativity.

You know the signs.

Which is why you drag yourself out of bed and exercise anyway. You plaster a smile for the world to see even though your heart is heavy. You cover the dark circles with concealer and make up looking more radiant than you could ever feel. You distract yourself from your demons by pushing yourself to work. You listen to upbeat songs in the car. You sing out loud and out of tune. You laugh with your workmates and make an effort to socialise. You don’t listen to those voices of self-loathing. It’s easy to forget.

Until you are by yourself. Then you slip off that mask and let the tears gently roll.

Image source: Pixabay


Until next time,

You Might Also Like

  • Amy @ HandbagMafia
    19 May 2015 at 7:30 am

    Yep, I know the signs. It’s kinda hard to actually read them. Which says it’s a well written piece, if that makes sense.
    Amy @ HandbagMafia recently posted…Mad Max: Feminism and FuryMy Profile

  • Amy @ HandbagMafia
    19 May 2015 at 7:30 am

    Yep, I know the signs. It’s kinda hard to actually read them. Which says it’s a well written piece, if that makes sense.
    Amy @ HandbagMafia recently posted…Mad Max: Feminism and FuryMy Profile

  • Deborah
    19 May 2015 at 10:07 am

    Ah yes… I can relate as well. The staying in bed thing? I’m not working at the moment and don’t have kids (and live alone) so it’s far too easy to do!

    Deb
    x
    Deborah recently posted…Cats and dogsMy Profile

  • Deborah
    19 May 2015 at 10:07 am

    Ah yes… I can relate as well. The staying in bed thing? I’m not working at the moment and don’t have kids (and live alone) so it’s far too easy to do!

    Deb
    x
    Deborah recently posted…Cats and dogsMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      20 May 2015 at 11:20 pm

      Oh I can imagine Deb…my partner is currently house-sitting so it’s just me and the cats and I think that’s making it easier to sleep in!

  • JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter)
    19 May 2015 at 10:25 am

    *deep breath* yes. x

  • JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter)
    19 May 2015 at 10:25 am

    *deep breath* yes. x

  • Raychael aka Mystery Case
    19 May 2015 at 10:31 am

    Oh gosh yes, I’ve been blaming the weather but the signs are definitely there.
    Raychael aka Mystery Case recently posted…Worth Casing Blog Spotlight | The Style WithinMy Profile

  • Raychael aka Mystery Case
    19 May 2015 at 10:31 am

    Oh gosh yes, I’ve been blaming the weather but the signs are definitely there.
    Raychael aka Mystery Case recently posted…Worth Casing Blog Spotlight | The Style WithinMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      20 May 2015 at 11:25 pm

      I thought it was the weather too initially…then I thought hormones. But it’s lasting far too long for either…

  • Laurel Regan
    19 May 2015 at 11:53 am

    Yes, I have been there. Very well said – thank you for sharing this thoughtful piece. I hope it helps people to realize that they’re not alone.
    Laurel Regan recently posted…#MicroblogMondays 38 – Photo StreamMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      21 May 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Thanks Laurel…I’m hoping others at least recognise the signs but yes, also know they are not alone. Based on the comments on this post, they’re definitely not alone.

  • Laurel Regan
    19 May 2015 at 11:53 am

    Yes, I have been there. Very well said – thank you for sharing this thoughtful piece. I hope it helps people to realize that they’re not alone.
    Laurel Regan recently posted…#MicroblogMondays 38 – Photo StreamMy Profile

  • jess
    19 May 2015 at 12:11 pm

    Beautifully written Sanch, as always. A bit hard to read at the moment, but thats because your honest words spoke to me. Thank you x
    jess recently posted…Go bare foot for a great causeMy Profile

  • Lillian Csernica
    19 May 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Wow, Sanch. You nailed it. That’s how it is. You feel paralyzed. Nothing seems like a good idea. When I get like this I go watch some big flashy action movie with lots of explosions. I’m not sure why it makes me feel better, but it does.
    Lillian Csernica recently posted…Pricing Promotion for Aliens in the Soda Machine and Other Strange TalesMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      25 May 2015 at 11:27 am

      Thank you Lillian…yes, I’m doing my best to watch things that make me feel the opposite of what I’m currently feeling. Definitely helps! πŸ™‚

  • usha menon
    19 May 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Sanch this is your best post that I loved to read. Wonderful!!

  • CookieCrumbsInc.
    19 May 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Chin up, love. You are a strong, independent woman. You have achieved so much in life. Don’t let the darkness swallow you whole, you have worked too hard to get where you are to allow that. You inspire so many people to do so many things. You inspire me to blog regularly, you inspire me to have fun, you inspire me to be proud of my strong opinions.. Shake it off, you are too strong for this.

    xoxo

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      25 May 2015 at 11:29 am

      Thanks lovely…it’s interesting how most things in your life can be going well and yet, there is some level of emptiness inside. I’ll come around…I have before and I will again.

  • Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages
    19 May 2015 at 6:56 pm

    ((((Big hugs)))) You are not alone. I hope you find your happy place.
    Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages recently posted…Geometric ArtworkMy Profile

    • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
      25 May 2015 at 12:38 pm

      Thanks Malinda. I hope so too… and it’s been heartwarming to know that I’m not alone and a lot of people are going through this or have been through this.

  • Mithila Menezes @Fabulus1710
    19 May 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Completely true.
    They say, the people who make others laugh are the ones who are actually crying inside.
    Depressed people are way better comedians than people with a positive outlook towards life.

    Amazingly compiled! πŸ™‚
    Mithila Menezes @Fabulus1710 recently posted…Wassup with your status? Part IMy Profile

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection
    19 May 2015 at 7:54 pm

    I just love this… i know the signs and I also watch for the signs with those I care about.. I posted in Instagram yesterday :Depression is the invisible disease”… mwah
    Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection recently posted…I look in the mirror and this is what I seeMy Profile

  • Kaddu
    19 May 2015 at 8:12 pm

    While I like what you’re pouring out on your blog in this state, I’m also a bit worried. Maybe it is depression, but maybe it’s something else that’s causing the symptoms of depression?
    Can you please see a doctor? I was feeling the same way a few days ago, but it just turned out to be an iron deficiency. My hemoglobin levels had gone down to 7.7.
    By the way, an under-active thyroid gland also causes similar feelings of worthlessness and anti-social tendencies. Please see a doctor.

  • Parul
    19 May 2015 at 8:27 pm

    Fabulously written! πŸ™‚ We all have those signs!
    Parul recently posted…#MicroblogMondays – Yin of LifeMy Profile

  • Venice
    19 May 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Mmmm… I’ve been pretty much in this state past couple of weeks. Can’t seem to snap out of it! You’ve put forward this state brilliantly Sanch, captured each sensation so aptly.
    Venice recently posted…G is for Girl Power (A to Z Challenge 2015)My Profile

  • EssentiallyJess
    19 May 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Yep been there. Not keen to go back.
    Very well written xx
    EssentiallyJess recently posted…Little Girls in a Garden Play #IBOTMy Profile

  • Hugzilla
    19 May 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Wow, this is really powerful, and so succinctly put. That last paragraph, where you slap on the public face and pretend that nothing is wrong…
    Hugzilla recently posted…The Hugzilla Cake-Reveal Controversy: Am I A Cheater?My Profile

  • Bree
    20 May 2015 at 10:59 am

    Very well written and perfectly captured. Have felt the same for some time, but unfortunately I’m past the point of pretending, past being merely signs and are an everyday occurrence. I have completely forgotten what its like to laugh and actually feel it in the pit of my stomach, to feel any sort of joy at all. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know I have to. We all do. But it’s nice to know that there are others who can understand what words cannot always fully express.

  • Kathy
    20 May 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Yep. I know the signs. The best thing is awareness of them. I love how you ended with that awareness and determination to keep going. I hope that blanket lifts and you are jumping out of bed soon.

  • simple girl
    20 May 2015 at 2:37 pm

    You have written what exactly I feel. How did you know that this happens to me? How did you know ?
    It is happening to me now.

  • rajlakshmi
    20 May 2015 at 11:19 pm

    Powerful writing. Specially how you have written the last section. I feel like that once a month (blame hormones) and it takes days to get over it. I wonder how terrible it must be for those suffering from chronic depression
    rajlakshmi recently posted…Gulp, Cough, Sink – The Swimming ClassMy Profile

  • Harini
    21 May 2015 at 1:55 am

    Been there. I was glad to out of that dark place after it was over. Don’t want to go back there but I know life and I know it will me take me back to that place with new hurt someday.
    Harini recently posted…15 Goals for 2015My Profile

  • Vanessa D.
    21 May 2015 at 9:24 am

    I’ve seen these signs in others. The days they are physically present at work, but as they pass by you their eyes slide away. You know just by seeing them that on that day even a fake smile, is effort that is beyond them.
    Vanessa D. recently posted…Re-Connecting With Life #1000SpeakMy Profile

  • Ashleigh - mymeow.com.au
    22 May 2015 at 5:30 pm

    I know what this feels like and I hope you get some support for yourself and you don’t stay down there for too long. Put yourself first. Beautifully written and expressed. xxx
    Ashleigh – mymeow.com.au recently posted…A MomentMy Profile

  • J.Gi Federizo
    26 May 2015 at 11:16 am

    Yes, unfortunately, I know the signs. Fortunately, we still have the energy and enough drive to do something about it. Let’s ignore the signs and LIVE!!! πŸ™‚
    J.Gi Federizo recently posted…HELLO, WORLD!!! #atozchallengeMy Profile

  • Nibha
    2 June 2015 at 4:45 am

    Yes we do know the signs!! Been there felt this… But bad times don’t stay long… There is sunshine at the end it
    Nibha recently posted…For One Last Time, I Turned Back!My Profile