There is so much I want to say but the words remain unspoken. With every moment that passes by, my tongue gets frozen. I soak up the courage to tell you the words but all that ensues is chatter. The fear of rejection is currently stronger than any courage I can possibly summon. The words that come out are of daily chit chat. Of moments we have shared and enjoyed. Of times at work and future dreams, they make our conversations light.
But the unspoken words — I hope you hear them. They are in my laugh. Or the light in my eyes. They are in my smile when together we spend time. They are in my actions and the messages I send. But unfortunately, even though I want to stop dropping subtle hints, I lack the courage to be direct. I need to try. Need to persist. There is nothing to lose I tell myself. Except a great friendship. And that is why, along with the fear of being rejected, the words continue to remain unspoken.
While to you I do not say the words, almost everyone close to me knows what I want to say. They want me to be direct. To say something. To make a move. It’s actually quite funny how I can say the words to others around but when it comes to the one person who needs to know, I remain tongue tied. What if you don’t feel the same? What if you then drift away? What if…?
All I can think of now is that the time apart might give me courage. That this time with myself will help me clear my head. That somewhere, some how I will find that elusive courage. To say it out loud. To be direct. To take that risk. And to dive right in.
I talk about living a life with no regrets.
And I know I will regret it if these words remain unspoken.
Until next time,