Life

Where do I begin

medium_6563151197photo credit: horrigans via photopin cc

I don’t know where to begin.

How do I tell you that sometimes you mean more to me than just a friend? Like I said, I don’t know where to begin. There are so many reasons why I can’t say anything. After all, it could ruin more than just one friendship. And I for one, value my friendships not just with you but the rest of the group. Not knowing whether the feelings are mutual makes it so much harder to say something. The fear of rejection is great. But the fear of then losing a friend is greater.

People assumed we were together. That tells me there is definitely some chemistry there. I remember questioning whether you were interested in me right from the start. But then I told myself you are just a really friendly person. You are that way with everyone. Yet, there is a teeny tiny part that wonders differently. Like whether small gestures mean so much more. Apparently we also look good together. I know some of my friends overseas have asked whether I am seeing someone based on a few photos of us together. I must admit, I do like those photos. They make me smile.

The laughs we share, the adventures we have had and continue to have, the crazy things we get up to as a group all blow me away. I am loving my life the way it is at the moment. You are different from the Ex. And some of the other guys I’ve been with. You seem to be more open, more communicative. Then again, if you haven’t said anything despite being outgoing makes me once again wonder if I am just reading into things a bit too much. In any case, I guess it doesn’t change my feelings.

There is another part of me that fears doing anything — what if you are interested but things just don’t work out? After all, I could be fantasising things and the reality could be far from it! What happens then to the friendship? Would things get awkward? I am not willing to give up this new-found life of mine and I’m sure, neither are you. I can’t believe I spoke to someone who is almost a stranger about you over the weekend. He told me to go for it. Told me that guys can be shy even if they are outgoing. Said you were a good guy and he could totally see us together. Told me to take a risk and ask you. But it’s easy for him to say that. I know I am all about living my life and getting out of my comfort zone. But this is one comfort zone I’m not sure I will be able to get out of.

I wish you would make the first move. I wish you would give me a straight answer one way or the other. At least I would know for sure.

And finally, I could stop wondering.

I'm taking part in the Write Tribe Festival of Words -3

***Written for the Write Tribe Festival of Words Day 3: Free Write. Also linking up with Jess because it’s a Tuesday***

Until next time,

Cheers!!!

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  • Aroha @ Colours of Sunset
    4 March 2014 at 9:40 am

    OH man, took me right back to my mid-20s. Unfortunately he didn’t feel the same and things were never “the same” again! Great post – I connected with every emotion! -Aroha
    Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted…When Social Media Goes ViralMy Profile

  • Aroha @ Colours of Sunset
    4 March 2014 at 9:40 am

    OH man, took me right back to my mid-20s. Unfortunately he didn’t feel the same and things were never “the same” again! Great post – I connected with every emotion! -Aroha
    Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted…When Social Media Goes ViralMy Profile

  • Twitchy (@TwitchyCorner)
    4 March 2014 at 10:48 am

    It seems like a lifetime since thoughts like these ever ran through my head but it doesn’t take long in reading them to remember exactly what that was like. Nicely put. #teamIBOT
    Twitchy (@TwitchyCorner) recently posted…My Kids Say The Darndest Things IIMy Profile

  • Twitchy (@TwitchyCorner)
    4 March 2014 at 10:48 am

    It seems like a lifetime since thoughts like these ever ran through my head but it doesn’t take long in reading them to remember exactly what that was like. Nicely put. #teamIBOT
    Twitchy (@TwitchyCorner) recently posted…My Kids Say The Darndest Things IIMy Profile

  • Nikki@WonderfullyWomen
    4 March 2014 at 12:23 pm

    If only 🙂
    Nikki@WonderfullyWomen recently posted…How To Never Worry About What To Wear Again!My Profile

  • Nikki@WonderfullyWomen
    4 March 2014 at 12:23 pm

    If only 🙂
    Nikki@WonderfullyWomen recently posted…How To Never Worry About What To Wear Again!My Profile

  • Rajlakshmi
    4 March 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Ohh to be young and confused… Not that I am old 🙂 But to feel excited and nervous at the time… 😀 I can understand your apprehension of what may happen, but girl, life is too short to keep waiting. How about dropping hints.. 😛 beautiful post.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Rajdhani on HeelsMy Profile

  • Rajlakshmi
    4 March 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Ohh to be young and confused… Not that I am old 🙂 But to feel excited and nervous at the time… 😀 I can understand your apprehension of what may happen, but girl, life is too short to keep waiting. How about dropping hints.. 😛 beautiful post.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Rajdhani on HeelsMy Profile

  • Kalpana Solsi
    4 March 2014 at 1:57 pm

    To be confused and really cannot decide on is bad. The uncertainty and thought of losing a friend makes one jittery.
    Kalpana Solsi recently posted…exam pangsMy Profile

  • Kalpana Solsi
    4 March 2014 at 1:57 pm

    To be confused and really cannot decide on is bad. The uncertainty and thought of losing a friend makes one jittery.
    Kalpana Solsi recently posted…exam pangsMy Profile

  • Kinmin
    4 March 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Hmmm I can relate to this to a great extent.. What if he’s waiting for you to make the first move as well.. maybe he fears the same things that you do! And also, you realize the risks of saying how you feel.. but what if you say it when it’s too late and you are left wondering about the ‘what if’.. Anyway, I’m not trying to say that you should tell him or not.. But just wondering about the other side of the story..
    Kinmin recently posted…Was she too late…?My Profile

  • Kinmin
    4 March 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Hmmm I can relate to this to a great extent.. What if he’s waiting for you to make the first move as well.. maybe he fears the same things that you do! And also, you realize the risks of saying how you feel.. but what if you say it when it’s too late and you are left wondering about the ‘what if’.. Anyway, I’m not trying to say that you should tell him or not.. But just wondering about the other side of the story..
    Kinmin recently posted…Was she too late…?My Profile

  • Archana
    4 March 2014 at 3:17 pm

    oh those questions, every girl goes through atleast once in her lifetime.. ain’t it.. mid life crisis in romance!!
    Archana recently posted…Peek into the mindMy Profile

  • Archana
    4 March 2014 at 3:17 pm

    oh those questions, every girl goes through atleast once in her lifetime.. ain’t it.. mid life crisis in romance!!
    Archana recently posted…Peek into the mindMy Profile

  • usha menon
    4 March 2014 at 3:50 pm

    This is a phase which everyone goes through,
    usha menon recently posted…Free writeMy Profile

  • usha menon
    4 March 2014 at 3:50 pm

    This is a phase which everyone goes through,
    usha menon recently posted…Free writeMy Profile

  • Shilpa Garg
    4 March 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Aah! The anxiety and the nervousness, I can feel it through your words. How about you taking the first step!! if you feel right about him, he is right definitely!! 🙂
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…Some Cold Memories and ThoughtsMy Profile

  • Shilpa Garg
    4 March 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Aah! The anxiety and the nervousness, I can feel it through your words. How about you taking the first step!! if you feel right about him, he is right definitely!! 🙂
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…Some Cold Memories and ThoughtsMy Profile

  • Soumya
    4 March 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Oh yeah! I was in a situation like this before. The uncertainty is killing and thrilling at the same time. We had a mind blowing affair after he confessed his feelings but somehow later it did not make much sense to me and I called it off. I lost a friend. A best friend. I went back to think that probably I shouldn’t have got into a relationship with him, to save my friendship. But had I said no then, I would have lost him that instant. The loss came a year later. Consolation? I’m not too sure.
    Soumya recently posted…Love UnlockedMy Profile

  • Soumya
    4 March 2014 at 7:13 pm

    Oh yeah! I was in a situation like this before. The uncertainty is killing and thrilling at the same time. We had a mind blowing affair after he confessed his feelings but somehow later it did not make much sense to me and I called it off. I lost a friend. A best friend. I went back to think that probably I shouldn’t have got into a relationship with him, to save my friendship. But had I said no then, I would have lost him that instant. The loss came a year later. Consolation? I’m not too sure.
    Soumya recently posted…Love UnlockedMy Profile

  • Kajal
    4 March 2014 at 7:54 pm

    How do you feel…In the sense that do you feel he is the one for you then take the plunge…you make the first move 🙂 Good luck!
    Kajal recently posted…Stop Complaining. Start Watching.My Profile

  • Kajal
    4 March 2014 at 7:54 pm

    How do you feel…In the sense that do you feel he is the one for you then take the plunge…you make the first move 🙂 Good luck!
    Kajal recently posted…Stop Complaining. Start Watching.My Profile

  • Tegan
    4 March 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Ohh such a hard decision to make! I hope that you can figure out what you want to do..although I think it will never be clear cut what to do!
    Tegan recently posted…Picnics: Pepsi Next Review and GiveawayMy Profile

  • Tegan
    4 March 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Ohh such a hard decision to make! I hope that you can figure out what you want to do..although I think it will never be clear cut what to do!
    Tegan recently posted…Picnics: Pepsi Next Review and GiveawayMy Profile

  • Richa Singh
    4 March 2014 at 10:37 pm

    A very different read. And yes it did feel like it had arrived straight from the heart…. sometimes letting go also in such cases doesn’t come easy..

  • Richa Singh
    4 March 2014 at 10:37 pm

    A very different read. And yes it did feel like it had arrived straight from the heart…. sometimes letting go also in such cases doesn’t come easy..

  • jaishvats
    5 March 2014 at 12:19 am

    That was definitely a free write 🙂 . The mind can confuse us a lot about our relationship s.

  • jaishvats
    5 March 2014 at 12:19 am

    That was definitely a free write 🙂 . The mind can confuse us a lot about our relationship s.

  • Sulekha
    5 March 2014 at 1:50 am

    To say or not to say! You are in a tricky situation, if you don’t say anything now you will always wonder what could have happened and if you do then you might lose this friendship. Wish I could tell you what to do but you have to follow your heart and mind here 🙂

  • Sulekha
    5 March 2014 at 1:50 am

    To say or not to say! You are in a tricky situation, if you don’t say anything now you will always wonder what could have happened and if you do then you might lose this friendship. Wish I could tell you what to do but you have to follow your heart and mind here 🙂

  • Michelle Liew
    5 March 2014 at 2:10 am

    Oh! I know. Just can’t stand ambiguity too!
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  • Michelle Liew
    5 March 2014 at 2:10 am

    Oh! I know. Just can’t stand ambiguity too!
    Michelle Liew recently posted…Would you like my photo?My Profile

  • Jyothi Nair
    5 March 2014 at 3:33 am

    Maybe he feels the exact same thing! It is always better to know before the zone becomes more comfortable and the loss more unbearable. 🙂
    Jyothi Nair recently posted…A few IssuesMy Profile

  • Jyothi Nair
    5 March 2014 at 3:33 am

    Maybe he feels the exact same thing! It is always better to know before the zone becomes more comfortable and the loss more unbearable. 🙂
    Jyothi Nair recently posted…A few IssuesMy Profile

  • Eli
    5 March 2014 at 3:52 am

    You sure manage to get her feelings through, well put! Feel sorry for her, and do hope that one of them will be brave enough for the first move. Sweet story:-)
    Eli recently posted…A walk on the wild side – free writeMy Profile

  • Eli
    5 March 2014 at 3:52 am

    You sure manage to get her feelings through, well put! Feel sorry for her, and do hope that one of them will be brave enough for the first move. Sweet story:-)
    Eli recently posted…A walk on the wild side – free writeMy Profile

  • Jyotsna Bhatia
    5 March 2014 at 5:29 am

    Always, always a tricky situation when it comes to friends. You never know whether putting the friendship at stake would be worth it or not.. Not a very pleasant situation to be in !!
    Jyotsna Bhatia recently posted…At the Festival of Words !!My Profile

  • Jyotsna Bhatia
    5 March 2014 at 5:29 am

    Always, always a tricky situation when it comes to friends. You never know whether putting the friendship at stake would be worth it or not.. Not a very pleasant situation to be in !!
    Jyotsna Bhatia recently posted…At the Festival of Words !!My Profile

  • Nitya
    5 March 2014 at 6:50 am

    🙂 I think you should go for it. A guy friend told me just last weekend that he and all his friends would really prefer for the girl to make the first move. And this despite him (and his friends) all being confident, outgoing, friendly guys.

  • Nitya
    5 March 2014 at 6:50 am

    🙂 I think you should go for it. A guy friend told me just last weekend that he and all his friends would really prefer for the girl to make the first move. And this despite him (and his friends) all being confident, outgoing, friendly guys.

  • Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp)
    5 March 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Oh my. Universal feelings and emotions here. A horrible, yet beautiful, predicament that so many find themselves in. Can’t wait to see how this one turns out!
    Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp) recently posted…Tissues, Issues, and LoveMy Profile

  • Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp)
    5 March 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Oh my. Universal feelings and emotions here. A horrible, yet beautiful, predicament that so many find themselves in. Can’t wait to see how this one turns out!
    Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp) recently posted…Tissues, Issues, and LoveMy Profile

  • R's Mom
    5 March 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Aiyo super confusion…you should just go for it eh? that would be my thought 🙂 Superbly written PB

  • R's Mom
    5 March 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Aiyo super confusion…you should just go for it eh? that would be my thought 🙂 Superbly written PB

  • Nibha
    5 March 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I could also connect with this at times because I toil value friendship more than anything! Hope the things take course as you want them to be!

  • Nibha
    5 March 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I could also connect with this at times because I toil value friendship more than anything! Hope the things take course as you want them to be!

  • EssentiallyJess
    5 March 2014 at 8:53 pm

    Oh this took me right back! I think we have all been here. Hoping it becomes really clear soon either way. Is there a mutual friend you can talk about it with?
    EssentiallyJess recently posted…Mad About Bridget 2. The Across Australia Edition #IBOTMy Profile

  • EssentiallyJess
    5 March 2014 at 8:53 pm

    Oh this took me right back! I think we have all been here. Hoping it becomes really clear soon either way. Is there a mutual friend you can talk about it with?
    EssentiallyJess recently posted…Mad About Bridget 2. The Across Australia Edition #IBOTMy Profile

  • Hemlata kukreja
    6 March 2014 at 4:04 pm

    I am awestruck at the expressions n feeling of ur write up. Believe in urself n take that chance! Go tell him or at least point him to this post of ur blog
    Superbly written
    Hemlata kukreja recently posted…My Inspiration to become Stronger PersonMy Profile

  • Hemlata kukreja
    6 March 2014 at 4:04 pm

    I am awestruck at the expressions n feeling of ur write up. Believe in urself n take that chance! Go tell him or at least point him to this post of ur blog
    Superbly written
    Hemlata kukreja recently posted…My Inspiration to become Stronger PersonMy Profile