I don’t know where to begin.
How do I tell you that sometimes you mean more to me than just a friend? Like I said, I don’t know where to begin. There are so many reasons why I can’t say anything. After all, it could ruin more than just one friendship. And I for one, value my friendships not just with you but the rest of the group. Not knowing whether the feelings are mutual makes it so much harder to say something. The fear of rejection is great. But the fear of then losing a friend is greater.
People assumed we were together. That tells me there is definitely some chemistry there. I remember questioning whether you were interested in me right from the start. But then I told myself you are just a really friendly person. You are that way with everyone. Yet, there is a teeny tiny part that wonders differently. Like whether small gestures mean so much more. Apparently we also look good together. I know some of my friends overseas have asked whether I am seeing someone based on a few photos of us together. I must admit, I do like those photos. They make me smile.
The laughs we share, the adventures we have had and continue to have, the crazy things we get up to as a group all blow me away. I am loving my life the way it is at the moment. You are different from the Ex. And some of the other guys I’ve been with. You seem to be more open, more communicative. Then again, if you haven’t said anything despite being outgoing makes me once again wonder if I am just reading into things a bit too much. In any case, I guess it doesn’t change my feelings.
There is another part of me that fears doing anything — what if you are interested but things just don’t work out? After all, I could be fantasising things and the reality could be far from it! What happens then to the friendship? Would things get awkward? I am not willing to give up this new-found life of mine and I’m sure, neither are you. I can’t believe I spoke to someone who is almost a stranger about you over the weekend. He told me to go for it. Told me that guys can be shy even if they are outgoing. Said you were a good guy and he could totally see us together. Told me to take a risk and ask you. But it’s easy for him to say that. I know I am all about living my life and getting out of my comfort zone. But this is one comfort zone I’m not sure I will be able to get out of.
I wish you would make the first move. I wish you would give me a straight answer one way or the other. At least I would know for sure.
And finally, I could stop wondering.
Until next time,