Flatmate Update

I realise I haven’t updated you all on this front. As you know, I asked my previous flatmate L to leave. I enjoyed having the whole place to myself for an entire month. And then I found another flatmate. We will call her M. She’s the same age and works full-time. Unlike L who was a uni student. She’s been in Sydney for about two years less than me and is originally from a European country. This time, having learnt from my previous mistake, I made it a point to ask all the questions the first time I met her: how clean she is, how many visitors does she expect to have, her daily routine. And I also asserted my expectations: I want a flatmate that helps with the cleaning and I would prefer not having too many visitors all the time.

Plus, I had a friend over when she visited so that two of us could have an opinion.

Anyway, she sounded all right and moved in about three weeks ago. And so far, so good. She pays rent on time, is clean, is quiet, doesn’t have guests over like L did, doesn’t have a boyfriend and is friendly. But there’s just one small thing. She’s homophobic. 

I suspected it the first time we watched Masterchef where one of the contestants was gay and sterotypically flamboyant. She made a comment along the lines of “I don’t understand gay men…they want to be women but we don’t act like that”. In my head, I went uh-oh. But I chose to ignore it. But she seemed to keep targetting this guy and was very happy when he was sent off. Anyway, like I said, I chose to ignore it. And then today, we heard on the news that the Greens are for gay marriage in Australia. And she said, “Damn, I don’t see why they should do that…” And I couldn’t keep quiet. I am all for gay marriage and I said so. In a nice way. So she knows where I stand.

I’m ok for her to have her views as long as it doesn’t impact on her behaviour. I have a couple of close friends who are lesbians. And as long as she doesn’t behave weirdly around them, she can have her views.

Although, I still wonder: why? Why are people anti-homosexuality? It’s just another way of being. It’s just that they are attracted to the same sex. It doesn’t make them any different. They don’t hurt anyone. So why discriminate?

Anyway, will have to wait and see how this pans out. Like I said, every other way, she is meeting my criteria and as long as she doesn’t act on her homophobia, I don’t have an issue. I wonder though whether she knows any homosexual individuals personally to know that they are not different from her or me. They go to work, they go grocery shopping, they go out to dinner and the movies, they read, they watch telly, they pay their taxes, they love their pets, they care about their partner. 

Until next time,


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  • BlueMist
    1 August 2010 at 1:22 pm

    I know lot of people discriminate when it comes to gay and lesbians. But in this case as long as you both agree to disagree and the different opinions does not create a clash it should be okay. The story about the gay professor in AMU ( who later committed suicide) was heart breaking. 🙁

  • Magali
    1 August 2010 at 1:33 pm

    I too am all for gay rights. It does rile me up when people can be so intolerant, but I am intolerant about certain other things so I understand.
    As you said, she seems nice in all other aspects so I think you will have to live with this.
    Best of luck.

  • Celestialrays
    1 August 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Interesting flatmates history you have 🙂

    Now that you have explained your stand on the issue, I don’t think she’ll voice her opinion so loudly anymore 🙂

  • Pesto sauce
    2 August 2010 at 9:09 am

    I too can’t fathom whats wrong with alternate sexuality and why some abhor it. I am bit of a bi-sexual myself and have relished some experiences in the past, so now finally when the world is opening up whats the hassle?

  • Psych Babbler
    2 August 2010 at 10:47 am

    I read that news about the gay professor in India…it was tragic. But yeah, keeping fingers crossed that the differing values do not create any form of chaos at home….but I can’t help but wonder…why can’t I just get a reasonable flatmate??!!! 😛

  • Psych Babbler
    2 August 2010 at 11:03 am

    I guess I should take that view…I can be quite rigid about some things…like people who break certain road rules 😛 But yeah, as long as her views do not impact on the flatmate relationship, I guess I could live with it…

  • Psych Babbler
    2 August 2010 at 11:04 am

    Tell me about it!! Why can’t I have someone who is clean, good with rent, friendly, quiet, doesn’t haev too many guests over, is open-minded and not religious??? Is that too much to ask? =P

    But yeah, she knows my views…so hopefully it will end here.

  • Psych Babbler
    2 August 2010 at 11:10 am

    Yeah…I think all some people see is what’s portrayed on the telly. Not everyone is flamboyant or butch… 😐

  • Psych Babbler
    2 August 2010 at 11:12 am

    Some people still living in the dark ages I suppose….sigh. It’s such a shame though in this day and age…

  • Joel
    2 August 2010 at 11:26 am

    and the hunt for the perfect flatmate continues 🙂

  • SaroSena
    2 August 2010 at 1:29 pm

    I think to answer your why’s it depends. The reaction to such a behavior could be religiously guided or because the person themselves have been shaped by the opinions of those they hang around with or grew up with. And i’ve realized there’s another sort to this too.. the sort who don’t know, don’t want to know, and well, express their opinions all the more because they want the attention.

    I’ve thought about it sometimes too, but as to why I don’t discriminate. I think it’s really none of my business. As long as it’s safe, the person is nice and well, it’s consensual… why should I have a problem with it? And I guess, not everyone thinks the same way 🙂

  • Titaxy
    3 August 2010 at 7:34 pm

    hmmm…as long as she knows where you stand and doesn’t try to push her views, you should be fine.

  • Avada Kedavra
    4 August 2010 at 9:03 am

    I am kinda homophobic too.. not that I oppose them or something, but find it hard to imagine men/women that way.. maybe because I havent known any of them personally.. just seen on TV.. good to hear that you got a better roomie this time 🙂

  • Bikram
    4 August 2010 at 10:19 am

    well I am not against gay or lesbians but IF I can i shall avoid .. got nothing against them but as you said everyone has the right for there own opinion.. I do have a couple of gay and lesbian friends and its fine .. I dont hate them

  • Psych Babbler
    4 August 2010 at 10:28 am

    Haha…oh I’m not going to get rid of her so soon…she’s great every other way…

  • Psych Babbler
    4 August 2010 at 10:30 am

    Exactly…it’s probably due to their experiences or lack of, that they discriminate. And my problem is that as long as it’s two consenting adults, it really shouldn’t bother anyone…

  • Psych Babbler
    4 August 2010 at 10:30 am

    Yep…exactly. And so far, in every other way, she’s fine! She even cleaned the bathroom today…something L never did once!

  • Psych Babbler
    4 August 2010 at 11:34 am

    So you reckon you are homophobic due to lack of exposure? I do think that it’s a reason many people are homophobic…they haven’t actually been around actual individuals and instead have only seen the stereotypes portrayed by the media…

    But yeah, so far, in every other way, the roomie is good. So fingers crossed!!!

  • Psych Babbler
    4 August 2010 at 11:35 am

    Hmm…it’s all I can say. Any reason why you avoid them? Just curious.

  • Gunjaaish
    5 August 2010 at 3:15 am

    Let it go PB. You’ll find many people who are not one the same thought as you. Can’t force them to change na. Guess you should go along unless she says/does something that offends your friends. which i don’t think will happen, knowing you. She will have to think twice of the repercussions.

  • Psych Babbler
    7 August 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Yeah G…I’m not too fussed about it at the moment. It will become a problem only if she treats my friends differently. I reckon she has just not been exposed to homosexuality and is very black and white in her views. It’s really sad…

  • starsinmeyes
    8 August 2010 at 3:04 pm

    I think it’s basically a lack of ‘imagination’…to put yourself in another’s place and imagine that they could have different preferences or a different lifestyle. Or a lack of willingness to try and understand diversity and difference. It probably impacts the ‘prejudiced’ person in other areas of life too. Her problem, not yours. Unless, of course she gets nasty to your friends, in which case, it’s none of her beeswax!! Interesting post!

  • Psych Babbler
    9 August 2010 at 10:01 am

    Yeah…have noticed she’s very black and white in her views…very rigid. I guess you are right though…and at the nend of the day it’s her problem.

  • Joel
    16 September 2010 at 2:01 am

    i guess its just something of a bias we are all brought up with .. guess she just has to meet some one who is gay and is normal .. instead of the ‘tv/movie’ gay people .. that they show all around us.. i knew someone who was gay at a previous work place .. and we dint know he was gay until like 6 months after we had known him .. they are all just normal people .. who have a different taste … 🙂