Feminism Fodder

So What?

This is something that shocks almost everyone I know……when I tell them I don’t want to have kids of my own.

Honest. I don’t. Yet.

I do think of adopting in the distant future but I do not want to get pregnant. Ever.

I don’t know why exactly. Part of it is how painful the pregnancy will be. Part of it has to do with me not wanting to take leave from work (a.k.a. me being a workaholic). Part of it is I don’t want a baby that poops, cries, vomits etc. etc.

I don’t feel the least bit clucky.

I don’t feel like going “awwww” when I see a little baby, unlike every other girl I know.

When I think of my life in 10 years, I don’t see a baby or child in it. [I see me with some little doggies instead!!] 🙂

Why does it bother other people though that I do not want to have kids?

Why do people think it’s the end of the world that I may not want kids of my own?

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate kids. I work with them every day and enjoy it.

It’s the thought of having one full-time that I can’t handle. Especially one that will not talk initially.

I guess I feel like telling all the people that judge me for not wanting to have kids — “so what if I don’t?”

Just thought I’d send this question out into cyberspace…

Why is it that people feel a woman must have children and judge her if she doesn’t want to?

Until next time,


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  • Footloose
    20 March 2009 at 5:50 am

    Hey, why do I feel that you’ve posted this earlier? About not wanting kids and people judging you for it? Or was it on a similar vein about marriage?

    To attempt to answer your question, I’d say people act surprised only because it is something unexpected/uncommon. Like you say, almost every girl wants to have children. I can’t wait to have my own either. I worry about all the things you listed – career, baby care, the pain of pregnancy and labor etc. But the thought of getting pregnant by a man you love (oh yes I won’t have it any other way) and bringing a new life into the world and molding and nurturing it, is something I really look forward to. I imagine myself being fascinated every day by what I’ve helped create and how he/she develops.
    There, I’ve gone all personal here on your blog so I;ll stop before I disgust myself with my mushiness;) Will come back to see what others comment.

  • Psych Babbler
    23 March 2009 at 5:12 am

    @ Footloose: Firstly, how come the name change? Had to go to your profile to check who it was.

    I’m not sure if I’ve written something similar before…wouldn’t put it past me! I think I’ve been disillusioned when it comes to having kids since I work with them. I see their problems, I hear what they don’t tell their parents. I can’t imagine having one of my own. And not even the moulding of a human being gets me excited. 😛

  • Smita
    23 March 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Hmmm…have no answers to ur question. May be our mind is conditioned this way that we are a baby making machine…hehe hope I wasn’t to harsh when I said that.

    Frankly speaking even am not that enthu as far as having baby is concerned, at least not now. Everyone at my home is behind my life for it, my MIL doesn’t talk about anything else….but am not mentally prepared for it right now. Later for sure but now…nahin…

    And I strongly believe having kids, getting mrrd etc are all a matter of personal choice…I just wish our society was mature enuff to understand that….

  • Footloose
    23 March 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Oh the name change is part of the whole new blog thing. The old name didn’t make much sense anyway. I now fancy myself footloose and fancy-free;)
    I don’t have any readers other than you though. I’ve pretty much kept the blog hidden and unadvertised. That’s why I feel like I’ve been having a one-on-one conversation with you! 🙂

  • zzz...
    3 April 2009 at 1:17 pm

    When I got married, we didn’t have children for at least one and a half years.

    There was an old woman who helped my neighbours in their house-work. She used to just sit there under the stairs of their house; there was only a fence between us.

    Every time my wife got her periods, she would get to know that and say, “Aiyo! Failed again?”

    My wife got to the stage where she dreaded this every month, and would start crying the moment her periods came.

    I think most of the people just want to get involved in other people’s lives; if it is not a child, it would be something else.

    The best thing is to just humour them. Of course, it is easy for me to say…


  • tearsndreams
    7 April 2009 at 5:41 am

    You know I can respect that feeling (though can’t understand it, I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, wasnt sure abt the timing though! We waited 4 yrs after marriage)but I still might annoy you by trying to tell you why it might not be a bad idea coz, this is one of those irreversible decisions. I will never tell someone to have kids if they are not ready yet. But if they say they might never be, I would like them to think it through before making the final call 🙂
    It does give a sense of purpose if ntn else, a reason to live when everything else is not an excuse enough to exist…but I guess you already have a lot of sense of purpose from ur work…
    what do u do?

  • Psych Babbler
    11 April 2009 at 11:49 am

    @ Smita: I so agree with you…it’s society that makes us that way. But having said that, it’s not just the Indian society…I have friends from other cultures that appear to think the same way too…I understand the whole evolutionary thing to it, but it should still be a matter of personal choice!

    @ zzz: Sheesh…ur poor wife! Thanks for visiting. But yeah, people really should learn to mind their own business!! 😛

    @ tearsanddreams: I work as a psychologist with children and adolescents. I know…it’s ironic…I always wanted to work with kids and teenagers…but do not want one of my own! 🙂